it’s not healthy.
at times it’s been non-existent.
other times it’s been waaaay too comfortable.
right now I’m struggling.
when my mom died I turned to food. I’ve been eating my feelings for more than a year now and I feel horrible. I’ve gained over 15 lbs. I avoid the mirror at all costs. my energy level is unpredictable. as a whole I just feel off. I know it has to do with what I’ve been putting in my body and what I haven’t. I just don’t like myself right now. I’m disappointed in what I’ve done to myself and things need to change.
I used to look forward to cooking meals and making new things but it’s like the light went off in that room the day my heart was ripped out. I didn’t want to do anything for the longest time let alone cook fancy meals. I made all the classic excuses..I’m too tired. the kids won’t eat it anyway. why should I cook a meal just for myself when cy’s out of town/working late. I just don’t want to. etc. and honestly – I’m human. it’s fine to do that every once in a while but it has become the norm around here and me cooking a meal is once in a blue moon – it’s not okay.
I woke up this morning and dusted off my fitbit – clipped it on my shorts and decided today is going to be the turning point. today I’m making the choice to get back into the swing of things in my kitchen and I know that will make a huge difference. it will absolutely change the way I feel and it will bring us back to the dinner table as a family. I’m ready to feel better and be better for myself and my family. they deserve better and so do i.
I know words are just words – I need to put this feeling into action and that’s why I decided to put it in black and white. I’m hoping this blog will keep me going and accountable in my kitchen while I change my relationship with food one meal at a time.